Friday, February 27, 2004

Safety board wants airline passengers weighed
We can only hope there's a big digital readout placed strategically above the scale in front of the boarding gate for this. It'll be fun to hear the dialogue between the passenger and the flight attendant (do we call them 'fat monitors' now?):

Fat Monitor: "187 pounds for seat 10A"
Fat Person: "Your scale is wrong, I've never been that heavy. Try again, please?"
Fat Monitor: "Ma'am, your weight will be recorded at 187. Just look at the billboard above your head. The only way I can clear the billboard is if u agree to this weight and return to the lounge area. Next!"

Those of you who were high school wrestlers will relish the challenge here. Those skills you built by fasting and sweating off the pounds in an insane push to make your weight for a match will once again come in handy.

I wonder if the skies would have been safer had Mohammed Atta weighed in before his final boarding call on 9/11.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Yahoo! News - Howard Stern Dropped from Clear Channel Stations
Wow, we are such a nation of prudes. This Clear Channel crackdown on Howard Stern is laughable....It is conveniently timed to their CEO's upcoming testimony in front of the Feds later this week. So now this clown marches into Washington looking like the tough media boss while he secretly can't wait until the hullabaloo dies down so he can get Stern back on the air and jack up profits for Clear Channel.

"Clear Channel drew a line in the sand today with regard to protecting our listeners from indecent content, and Howard Stern's show blew right through it," Clear Channel Radio president John Hogan said in a statement. "It was vulgar, offensive and insulting, not just to women and African Americans but to anyone with a sense of common decency."

I'd really like to know why the episode this week was more vile than the usual schlock and shock Stern usually delivers in the morning which includes luscious lesbians making out in his studio, self-deprecating comments about his own genitalia, musings about his colleagues' love lives, or the mindless panting/fantasizing for any porn star he interviews (which includes the obligatory discussion of favorite sexual positions, sexual preferences, and just how often do they do that).

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Chickenpox Vaccine Found to Fade in a Year
This blog is directed to the asshole actuary who sat down one evening to calculate the amount of $$ taken out of the economy by parents who stay home to nurse their kids through the Chicken Pox.

Why was this such a bad aspect of parenthood? Why was this vaccine railroaded through the medical and political communities with no appreciable long-term (or mid-term) data available?

Thanks to you, millions of kids are being vaccinated with an unproven vaccine whose effectivenss wears off remarkably fast. Moreover, we don't know if the vaccination will hold through adulthood meaning this generation of children will have to cope with the horror of Chicken Pox as adults which is much more dangerous later in life. Shingles anybody?

I don't wish bad karma on folks, but we can only hope the drug company financial analysts and the governnors who made this vaccination a legal requirement have to contend with . . . . . . .

Writer's Block
OK, I know I have not blogged in roughly a week after keeping the content new for a good stretch of time. To be honest, work has me slammed, life at home is a blast - - yet maddeningly busy. In keeping with the theme of the new year, we're now in the midst of another home improvement catastrophe. The shower stall was basically falling apart, so what we thought would be a simple grout redux turned into a massive disassembly and rebuild. Oh so fun.

Someday life will get back to 'normal'

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Barry 'Juiced' Bonds is a Fraud
OK, pitchers and catchers report in a week or so - - a sure sign that spring is on the way. Another sign that spring is on the way will be the steroids passed out by various personal trainers to some of MLB's best players. Not surprisingly, Federal affidavits released yesterday include a confession along these lines from Barry Bonds' personal trainer. This is the same goon that sits in the SF Giants locker room game after game to assist in the care and feeding of Bonds, one of baseball's all time great pricks. While the trainer, Greg Anderson, did provide the names of the players he helped to cheat- - the Feds declined to release that information yesterday.

That's fine with me. By withholding the names now, MLB is screwed because this story will not go away any time soon. Now MLB faces the likelihood of Barry Bonds chasing Mays, Ruth and Aaron while being pursued by the ominous cloud of his suspected use of performance enhancing drugs. MLB is so full of shit on this issue, its sickening. The commissioner's office and players' union asks for patience while they set up a longer-term testing strategy, insisting this will take time to get right. This is a complete crock. The IOC and the international track and field community have had aggressive, punitive drug testing procedures in place for years - - - MLB does not have to reinvent the wheel here. Truth is, MLB is full of cowards who are used to controlling the external environment in which it operates. However, with this remarkable federal indictment, MLB is no longer in control of its own image and fate. Here's hoping the frauds are exposed and their names dragged through the mud. Moreover, please please please please please let two of those frauds be Bonds. I know I am not the only fan wondering why his career years coincide with his close, personal relationship with Greg Anderson.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Culture of Denial
As a Roman Catholic, finding ways to rationalize the Church's inept handling of the sexual abuse claims remains impossible. The numbers show that we're talking about a relatively small number of priests involved in this stuff, but what's just as bad (almost) is the way in which the heirarchy allowed the abuse to continue for decades (literally). And then when the news exploded a few years ago - - keep in mind, this scandal was the first news story to put the aftermath of 9/11 onto page two of the world's newspapers. The Church was remarkably arrogant in its handling of it: they inferred that the priests in question were above the law, and made it clear that they would pursue counseling and changes in venue for accused priests rather than involving law enforcement. Idiotic.

Now the story gets worse. According to CNN, nearly 4,500 priests have been accused of abusing some 11,000 kids going back to the 1960s. Of this number, roughly half were accused once; the story deteriorates from there. And if the Church had its druthers, none of this would be made public and no priests would be investigated and prosecuted as needed. These folks have to work to change the culture; their act is tired, old, and in this instance immoral if not illegal. Time to step up, fellas.

Friday, February 13, 2004

Lying, Cheating and Getting Even
Public opinion is certainly moving against President Bush. Seems that most Americans are on to the lies and hype behind his administration's weak case for war. As reported in today's Washington Post "barely half -- 52 percent -- now believe Bush is "honest and trustworthy," down 7 percentage points since late October and his worst showing since the question was first asked, in March 1999."

But wait - the news gets better. The US Senate is expanding its probe into pre-war intelligence to investigate whether the intelligence was exaggerated to suit the Administration's needs. This is GREAT news, something Republicans on the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence strongly opposed for the last few months. This will make for terrific theater in Washington - - there's plenty of negatives lining up for the administration. Expanding the probe was the right thing to do.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Shark bait
OK, I've found my favorite news story of the week. Man gets bitten by shark. Man swims to shore, walks to car, drives to first aid station -- all with the shark still attached to his leg. This swimmer must have just eaten a terrific lunch. Somehow the lifeguards figured out how to remove the pesky shark - - despite not finding any procedures for this in their life safety manual. The AP writer here must have written in between giggles.

Monday, February 09, 2004

No More Gore
Al Gore should quiet down and get a real job. This guy has no juice, no credibility and no zip. Last month he talks about global warming on one of the coldest days in recent memory in the Northeast. Last month he endorsed Howard Dean - - and Deano promptly shit the bed in Iowa and New Hampshire. Now, Gore assails President Bush saying he "betrayed us" by invading Iraq.

Hey Al, your track record of late blows. Nothing you say can do more to undermine President Bush's credibility than what he's doing to himself. I mean, Bush was rotten on Meet the Press over the weekend, a commission to investigate intelligence has just been convened, and his approval ratings are taking a nosedive. Al, you're not a player anymore. The quicker you realize this, the better.

Quick Question
Which nation was founded by an uptight, fear-mongering, close-minded Puritanical cult?

A) United States of America
B) United Kingdom
C) Australia
D) Did you really have to read past option A?

The Ghost of Jonathan Edwards looms large in American culture. American people are quick to hit the outrage button for anything related to sex (Janet's boob, same-sex marriage, dated homosexual sodomy laws, condoms v abstinence, CBS' 5-minute delay for the GRAMMYs) - - unless of course, we're talking about a 36-hour erection disclaimer from Cialis.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Revisionist history
Who said that the victors write history? In this case, Bush is rewriting it almost immediately Hey, if you don't get it right the first time - - take over a country and retrofit your rationale after the fact!

As reported in the Washington Post
President Bush and Vice President Cheney yesterday said the war in Iraq was justified because Saddam Hussein could have made weapons of mass destruction.

The new rationale offered by the president and vice president, significantly more modest than earlier statements about the deposed Iraqi president's capabilities, comes after government experts have said it is unlikely banned weapons will be found in Iraq and after Bush's naming Friday of a commission to examine faulty prewar intelligence.

"Saddam Hussein was dangerous, and I'm not just going to leave him in power and trust a madman," Bush said yesterday in an interview with NBC's "Meet the Press" that will be broadcast today. "He's a dangerous man. He had the ability to make weapons at the very minimum."


Nice job, George. You've offered up a new rationale for an old war. New rationale for an old war - - which means the old rationale was a pack of lies and suppositions rather than facts. What a guy, George W. Bush.

R.I.P. Records
Perhaps this is just the latest move by the RIAA to manage public opinion. However, instead of hearing Lars Ulrich or James Hetfield complain about the 'evils' of illegal music downloads, voices from the heartland are beginning to be heard.

The Washington Post provides a glimpse into the fast changing business model of independent record store owners and concludes the environment will only get worse. While illegal downloading is only in its infancy, so are legal downloads like Apple's snappy iTunes offering. More and more folks are buying music from Amazon and other Internet retail sites.

As music fans migrate away from traditional music purchases, what's the friendly neighborhood record store to do? This reality is not limited to the indy shops, Tower Records just filed for bankruptcy last week. Perhaps Wal Mart and big box category killer stores will be the only physical record stores remaining. But it seems that record stores are going the way of the 8-track.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Looking for the wrong rat
The scapegoat search is on in Washington. President Bush is setting up a commission to investigate possible intelligence failures preceding his bully tactics in Iraq.

He's looking in the wrong place. The real criminals here are the turkeys in his administration who the politcized intelligence to give him what he wanted - - carte blanche in Iraq. Another nice smokescreen from the War Wimp and his cabal.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

George Tenet corners the White House
Nice job, George. OK, soon enough it will be time for Bush, Dick and Rummy to defend this, and in the process completely alienate the entire intelligence community.

"Analysts differed on several important aspects of these programs and those debates were spelled out in the estimate," Tenet said. "They never said there was an imminent threat. Rather, they painted an objective assessment for our policy-makers of a brutal dictator who was continuing his efforts to deceive and build programs that might constantly surprise us and threaten our interests. No one told us what to say or how to say it."

'never said there was an imminent threat'

Kinda makes u wonder why we went to war, eh? 45 mins to deliver weaponized WMDs - - yeah right.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

"Where was George?"
Ann Richards wants to know. Again. Our president was a war wimp and likely desterter, it seems. Its pretty amazing that a congressman's son can disappear while on duty for a year. This is the military we're talking about - - those guys keep track of the number of safety pins they issue to plebes, yet they too were left to wonder, "where was George"

"His officers at Ellington Air Force Base wrote in May 1973 that Bush could not be given his annual evaluation, because he "has not been observed" in Houston between April 1972 and the following May." George W. Bush, master of illusion.

Why not
I spent a day stewing over whether to comment on Janet Jackson's Super Bowl exposure - - might as well get on with it. The NFL and all of these outraged folks like Michael Powell need to calm down and shut up. Were they watching the same game I was watching? As far as I'm concerned, the halftime incident paled in comparison to other content offered by the NFL into the nation's living room on Sunday night. Consider:

+ The most popular commercial was one depicting a group of horses farting, ala Mongo in Blazing Saddles;
+ Chevrolet offered a look at kids with soap in their mouths because they reacted with an 'Oh sh@#$!' when a new car caught their eye;
+ Cialis reminded viewers that if u take their pill and have an erection for longer than 36 hours, you should call a doctor;
+ Mike Ditka spent 45 seconds explaining why baseball players are limp when compared to football players
+ Cedric the Entertainer had bikini wax
+ Fergus the dog gobbled up a preppy guy's crotch as a way to free up a beer.

I'll ask the outraged masses again ---- were they watching the same game I was watching? Did any of them have to sit in their living room and explain these commercials to their kids (not to mention the two dozen other erectile dysfunction ads we all suffered through)? What was so offensive about a three second exposure (movies with brief nudity get 'PG' ratings, btw) as compared to a 36 hour erection discussion?

To top it off, the NFL comes down from on high to let everybody know how outraged they are with Janet Jackson's antics. Of course, this is the same NFL that wants to eliminate taunting, personal fouls and rogue players ..... but signs off on Playstation games that sell in huge numbers because it highlights these 'extreme' on field activities. Check out Ian O'Connor's column on this matter.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

MU rah-rah
Allow me the indulgence of touching on Marquette's big win yesterday at #4 Louisville, 77-70. Steve Novak , the best shooter in the country bar none, led all scorers with 30 points (and nabbed eight boards) including 8 three pointers. Gutty All-American point guard Travis Diener folowed suit with 17 points, seven assists and just one turnover in this huge road victory. MU caught a break here - - Louisville's best two players were playing hurt, and their coach missed most of this week's practices - - but at least Crean's guys took advantage of the opportunity. A nice win, but a long way to make this a successful season.

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